I learned probably one of the greatest and most lasting lessons of my life as a youngster of 13 years old and as I think about my current life and situation, I cannot help but be reminded of how very relevant that lesson remains with me - to this very day!
It is kind of amazing to think that an event and a lesson from that long ago can still be utilized as a grown man - but it can indeed and it shows us how critically important our decisions as parents or mentors are to the youth of today.
What struck me today however, is the fact that a 2nd invaluable lesson came out of this formative event is it too is also true to this very day.
The year was 1982 and I was a 5 ft (if I was that tall) young man entering my sophomore year in High School. After having started organized basketball in just 8th grade, I was able to work hard and make my freshman team the prior year.
The team was quite good and competitive and I was thirilled to have achieved this accomplishment. I did not receive much playing time given my diminuitive height and relative inexperience up to that point, but was able to muster a few points during garbage time and a few blowout games.
The summer between my Freshman and Sophomore year were focused on a relationship with a young lady (as teenagers often do focus upon) and basketball could not have been farther from my mind all summer and leading up to tryouts that Fall.
Having made the team (and despite not having really grown much over that summer) the prior year, I was pretty confident that I was a shoo-in for the JV team.
Boy was I WRONNGGGGGG!!!!
Much to my devastation, humiliation and heartbreak, I was cut from the JV squad mercilessly and I cannot describe to you the pain and hurt I felt as a result.
Now granted, I deserved to be cut. I did not play basketball over the summer beyond a few pickup games, I was small, I had not made a gigantic impact on the coach or team the year before, and I was terrible at the tryouts! I left the Coach very little choice in his decision.
But as a 13-14 year old - the world had come to an end.
I credit my parents with keeping me afloat and recognizing the need to intervene and keep me up daily after that earth shattering event. They were remarkable - sensed my bitterness - and showered me with love and support beyond the normal pale. God Bless them as they were burdened with the unenviable task of helping me work through the disappointment, anger, bitterness, and pain - and helped me focus my anger on something productive - making the team the following year!
I dedicated myself to playing basketball ALL THE TIME! Unbeknownst to my parents, I had hooked up with a group of college kids who played hoop regularly at my neighborhood playground and began driving with them to other playgrounds in the area and playing better kids - growing and developing.
It did not hurt that I grew from approximately 5' 2" to 5' 10" since I was cut and my confidence and skill level had jumped through the roof!
I made the JV team my Junior year, worked up to the Varsity and Captained the Varsity squad my Senior year.
The first lesson I learned is one of perseverance, hard work - but mosty Faith and Belief in what you set out to do. My parents and my support network of friends and family were instrumental in my getting back on the horse and dedicating myself to the goal at hand - and pursuing as well as achieving that goal!
The second lesson I realize I learned was about what truly matters in all we do daily!
As ecstatic, and proud and thrilled as I was for having reached my goal and seeing all of my hard work pay off, I willl never shake the overwhelming sadness I felt in my heart and deep into my soul for the other kid who was cut that year.
The feeling of sadness I experienced watching him scan the list they put up outside the locker room of the kids who would be invited to play on the team hits me like an anvil even today as I recall the story and that shared moment outside of the gym.
There was little I could say or do to assuage this other person's pain and humiliation and disappointment at that moment, and I KNEW what it felt like to be in his sneakers - trust me.
I learned at that point that winning is not everything in life. I am all about ambition and striving for success, however, we ought not lose the compassion and feelings that must accompany all winning. Winning at all costs is a very shallow way to go through life especially when you discard feeling and pain of the so-called "losers".
I would have traded my "victory" right then and there to make that kid feel better and to help him avoid the pain that I knew all too well was coming and would be with him the next few weeks, months and possibly years.
As a youth coach now for kids ranging from 5-11, I have been blessed with the fact that I have not had to cut a single child from any team I have coached in any sport. I realized quickly that coaching to me was not that important compared to what a tryout/cut can do to a young person's spirit. But I also realize it is only temporary!
Any setback we experience can be used as a tremendous learning and teaching opportunity - for our children as well as for ourselves!
Many of the valuable lessons we learn early on in life - in fact most of them - stem from a negative event or incident! This is not the end of the world - in fact, we NEED these events to teach us that no matter what we face in life can be overcome if we do not quit, surrender, or give in to weakness!
When confronted with a situation like these, we should embrace the lessons that can be taught and learned from them - as unfortunate and painful as the circumstances may be! Do not push them away and sweep them under the carpet - FULLY embrace them and make the most of them in order to learn and to Stay Strong for a lifetime!
EVERYONE has it in them - but sometimes others are needed to show the way and keep us on the Right Path!
Continue to Be that person!
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