Life is like a Riptide -- Prepare yourself well and survive!

I was informed by a relative that a woman she knew had recently drowned on Long Island as a result of a massive riptide that hit that beach. Despite being a strong swimmer, she succumbed to the currents and sadly she is no longer with us. It is believed that she went back in to save another person who was caught up in the current and was lost as a result.

A rip current, or riptide, is a strong channel of water flowing seaward from near the shore, typically through the surf line.[1] Typical flow is at 0.5 metres per second (1–2 feet per second), and can be as fast as 2.5 metres per second (8 feet per second). They can move to different locations on a beach break, up to tens of metres (a few hundred feet) a day. They can occur at any beach with breaking waves, including the world's oceans, seas, and large lakes.[2]

As an avid beach-goer my whole life, I have felt my share of riptides and my parents were very clear about teaching my siblings and me the proper way to avoid being caught up in one.  As I was imparting the same education on my 9 and 8 year old children in the aftermath of this tragedy, it dawned on me how closely a riptide resembles the struggles in our daily lives!

As defined above, a riptide is a strong powerful current that is normally created near breaking waves and can create a "tow" or "drag" seaward from the shore. It is easy to get caught up in these powerful currents and often times trying to swim against them is fruitless, dangerous, and as we witnesses recently, can be fatal as well.

As I look around at my friends and family, and indeed in my own life, many if not all of us are caught in a massive riptide right now!

A riptide of financial worry, health related worry, relationship strife, loss of loved ones, or a combination of all of these - the Perfect Storm of crisis and anxiety, and for some hopelessness!

As we were taught as children, the only way to avoid getting caught up and harmed by riptides (literal or figurative) is to go with the current temporarily and gently swim sideways away from the perpendicular flow of the current. 

What happens?? 

Eventually the power and force created by the breaking waves and crossing currents diminishes as it gets further away from the shore and you are able to gently pull out of it's drag.  Once you are out of it's pull and old path, you can get back to shore safely!

Well isn't this just plain ole common sense and sage advice for the riptides in our lives right now ??

If we try to struggle and fight and claw our away against the flow and current, we will quickly tire ourselves out and become exhausted, weakened, and ineffective in it's power to drag us where IT wants to go!

That is the Negativity Riptide!   We have to fight, but we have to fight smarter and more effectively to prevail -- flailing and panicking will not do the job!!

The key to beating a riptide (figuratively or literally) is to first RECOGNIZE the powerful current that grabs us and intends to do us harm!  Once we know what is occurring, we can execute what we prepared to do prior to the situation!

Once we recognize that powerful pull of negativity, we must not swim agianst it but ride it out without panicking or losing our composure!  Ride it a bit with the BELIEF that it will quickly lose it's power to pull you out to sea, drown you, or drag you where you do not want to be taken!

As you push aside the negative thoughts and FOCUS on the future - focus on the solutions necessary to get out of whatever predicament you find yourself - the power of the riptide will continue to weaken and finally you will be able to side-step it and swim back to the safety of the shore!

Riptides -- both in the ocean and in our lives - eventually lose their grip on us and disappear!!  It is HOW we react when we first encounter these riptides that determine our futures, the outcome of the situations, and the amount of time it will take us to get back to safety!

We are ALL lifeguards in this riptide world!  We must be vigilant and watch for out for our friends, family and loved ones who may be experiencing a riptide event in their lives!

As lifeguards WE MUST get off the beach and dive into that water with them and help them get through the currents that bombard, trap and threaten them daily!!!

Be the Hasselhoffs and the Pamela Andersons of this beach you oversee!!! 

Look around you -- the beach is open and the currents are fierce and our loved ones NEED us on alert, they NEED us on guard to help them back to the shore!

THIS is why we are here!!!   THIS is what will allow us to forget our own riptides in our lives and help us back to our own shores of safety!

If we let the currents overwhelm us and panic - and do not do what we have learned --- we are in serious trouble!!!

This Perfect Storm - these currents and conditions will pass for all of us! 

Just be ready for them when they hit and patrol your beaches -- and all will be well!!

Stay Strong!

Interesting Concept - and worth exploring in depth!!! Check out italics in RED ~~(Sound familiar??)

Some say the key to happiness is to liberate ourselves from ignorance and get in touch with the preciousness of life. However, the "habit energy," as Thich Nhat Hanh calls it, of our everyday lives is very adept at pulling our attention in multiple directions and making it difficult to realize the many spaces of choice we have to live a meaningful life.

Malcolm Gladwell, in his book "Blink," speaks to how the mind makes a snap decision or interpretation within the first two seconds of an event occurring. For most of us, after that blink effect, autopilot kicks in and carries us into an unintentional unfolding of moments.

I would argue that, as Viktor Frankl says, there are many spaces that occur in our lives between moments of stimulation and moments of reaction where there is power to choose a response. "In that response lies our growth and our freedom." In the unfolding of moments, we have the power to become present, gain clarity, change our minds, change our brains, incline our minds toward the good and even learn how to relate to our difficult feelings differently to realize a freedom from the confines of our habitual thoughts and reactions.

I'm currently writing an upcoming book called "The Now Effect: How this Moment Can Change the Rest of Your Life" (Atria Books, 2011). The premise of this book is based on moving beyond some promised pathway to enlightenment and turning the wheel of mindfulness one step further to learn how to specifically engage the space "between stimulus and response," to gain more clarity and choice in various facets of everyday life. My goal here is to write it in a very practical and accessible way so we move beyond the intellectual game with engaging the now and readers can realize its effects.


I've often told the story of how my father used to visit people on their death bed and one man had a very telling story. He spent his entire life stepping on other people to get to what he perceived to be a man of high value (e.g. power and wealth). Unfortunately there were no people around him at this time. At the end of his life he was forced to stop and reached a moment of clarity. He realized it was about who you love and how you love them and the rest of it never mattered. This man reached this clarity at the end of his life, but it was too late to make use of it.

This is about gaining clarity in our lives about what is really most important right now so we can live life with this intention. We don't have to wait for a 9/11 or a heart attack to recognize that we don't "have to" be a slave to this habit energy of rushing around and distraction. However, without a practical knowing of where these spaces lie, we are destined to be driven by an auto-pilot in our minds as that's just the way things go.

It makes sense. Our brains are designed to handle more and more complex information and as more complex avenues of information has become available (e.g., PDAs, internet, etc.), our brain adapts and we can't help but live in shallow noisy waters and lack a sense of depth of what is most important. It's not really our fault, our brains adapt to handle the complexity of the situation and at times to simply try to avoid pain.

But there is another choice and the only way we can truly realize it is through some kind of intentional practice that brings us here.

Consider this:

As you're reading these words you are living in a space between where you were previously and to where you're about to be.

What is most important for you to be paying attention to in this next moment? Recognize right now that you have a choice onto where you can intentionally place your attention.

As always, please share your thoughts, stories and questions below. Your interaction provides a living wisdom for us all to benefit from.
***

Adapted from a publication on Mindfulness and Psychotherapy at Psychcentral.com. Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D. is Co-author of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook. You may also find him at www.drsgoldstein.com.

In Need of Help? Depressed, Frightened, Anxious, Terrified, in Despair?? Look No Further!!!

"Take not your eyes from the light of this star if you would not be overwhelmed by the waves; if the storms of temptation arise, if you are thrown upon the rocks of affliction, look to the star, invoke Mary.

Are you confounded at the enormity of your sins, are you ashamed at the defilement of your conscience, are you terrified on account of the dreadful judgment, so that you begin to be overpowered by sadness, or even to sink into the abyss of despair, then turn your thoughts to Mary.

Call Upon Mary

In dangers, in doubts, in difficulties,

think of Mary, call upon Mary.

Let not her name depart from your lips,

never suffer it to leave your heart.

And that you may more surely obtain the assistance of her prayer,

neglect not to walk in her footsteps.

With her for guide, you shall never go astray;

while invoking her, you shall never lose heart;

so long as she is in your mind, you are safe from deception;

while she holds your hand, you cannot fall;

under her protection you have nothing to fear;

if she walks before you, you shall not grow weary;

if she shows you favor, you shall reach the goal.


Holy Virgin Mary, you are reigning in glory, with Jesus, your Son.

A Prayer to Our Lady in Time of Trouble

Remember us in our sadness. Look kindly on all who are suffering or fighting against any difficulty.


Have pity on those who are separated from someone they love.


Have pity on the loneliness of our hearts.


Have pity on the weakness of our faith and love.


Have pity on those who are weeping, on those who are praying, on those who are fearful.


Holy Mother, please obtain for all of us hope and peace with justice.


Amen.

Donald T. Valerio 1931-2010

Donald T. Valerio

Born in Corning, NY on Oct. 27, 1931
Departed on Aug. 1, 2010 and resided in Melrose, MA.

Donald T. Valerio passed away at the Aberjona Nursing Center in Winchester, on August 1, 2010, at the age of 78. Donald was born and raised in Corning NY, graduated from Corning Free Academy and from Morrisville Agricultural School in NY. He was a talented athlete, playing football in high school, college and for a semi-pro football team. Mr. Valerio served in the US Navy during the Korean War as a Navy Seabee. Donald worked as a civil engineer for several construction companies in Boston for over 35 years and the last 10 years of his career for the Department of Revenue. He was a devoted husband & father who cherished the times spent with his family and loved to work around the house doing odd jobs. Donald has been a Melrose resident for the past 50 years. He was a 4th Degree Knight with the K of C in Saugus, enjoyed playing tennis, was a member of the Melrose Men's Tennis Group; where he won several trophies throughout the years and enjoyed playing in the Melrose Men's Softball League. Donald loved walking on the beaches in Rockport, Marblehead & Maine and taking trips back to Corning, NY to visit family and friends. He was beloved husband of 53 years to Antoinette M. "Ann" (Valeri) Valerio. Loving father of Cheryl A. McNevin & her husband Dan of Sayville, NY, Donald T. Valerio Jr. of Wakefield, Joyce M. Hunneman of Melrose, Mark J. Valerio of Newburyport, Jacqueline Valerio of Melrose and Nancy V. Gifford & her husband Frank of Storrs, CT. Brother of Arnold Valerio of NM, Alfred Valerio of India, Anne Pierce, Mary Fowler & Hilda Lando all of NY. Grandfather of Lindsey, Andrew, Ava, Kelley, Jesse & Grant. Also survived by numerous nieces & nephews. Funeral from the Gately Funeral Home, 79 W. Foster St. Melrose, on Thursday, August 5th, at 9AM. A Funeral Mass to celebrate Donald's life will be held in St. Mary's Church, Herbert St. Melrose at 10AM. Relatives & friends invited. Visiting hours Wed. from 4-8PM. Interment in Wyoming Cemetery in Melrose. US Navy Seabee Korean War Veteran. In Lieu of flowers memorial contributions may be made in Donald's name to Alzheimer's Research Association, 311 Arsenal St., Watertown, 02472.

Visitation: Wednesday, Aug. 4, 2010

Service: Thursday, Aug. 5, 2010

Cemetery: Wyoming Cemetery

Donald T. Valerio

VALERIO, Donald T., Of Melrose, August 1, 2010. Beloved husband of Antoinette M. "Ann" (Valeri) Valerio. Loving father of Cheryl A. McNevin & her husband Dan of Sayville, NY, Donald T. Valerio Jr. of Wakefield, Joyce M. Hunneman of Melrose, Mark J. Valerio of Newburyport, Jacqueline Valerio of Melrose and Nancy V. Gifford & her husband Frank of Storrs, CT. Brother of Arnold Valerio of NM, Alfred Valerio of India, Anne Pierce, Mary Fowler & Hilda Lando all of NY. Grandfather of Lindsey, Andrew, Ava, Kelley, Jesse & Grant. Also survived by numerous nieces & nephews. Funeral from the Gately Funeral Home, 79 W. Foster St. MELROSE on Thursday, August 5th, at 9AM. A Funeral Mass to celebrate Donald's life will be held in St. Mary's Church, Herbert St. Melrose at 10AM. Relatives & friends invited. Visiting hours Wed. from 4-8PM. Interment in Wyoming Cemetery in Melrose. US Navy Seabee Korean War Veteran. In Lieu of flowers memorial contributions may be made in Donald's name to Alzheimer's Research Association, 311 Arsenal St., Watertown, 02472. For obituary, direction, to order flowers or sign guest book please visit www.gatelyfh.com Gately Funeral Home 781-665-1949

Everybody is Hurting -- YOU are needed!

Everyone is hurting right now!

I mean, just look around you - speak with anyone, witness all that is happening in our daily lives, in this country, this world, our own little lives, and you can only come to one conclusion:

EVERYONE, in some shape or form, is hurting right now!!

This period of struggle seems to have caught everyone in it's web - all to varying degrees - but no one seems to be escaping it very easily!!!

Go to a party and you will hear the same conversation about the economy, the country, the oil spill, the unemployment rate, in my town specifically - coyote!

We must embrace this fact and accept that it may get harder before it gets easier!  The writing is on the wall!

However -- no matter your situation, you MUST BELIEVE that it is going to get better!!

We are all in this mess together!  Perhaps a few people are faring better than some others, but that divide and gap has shrunk significantly -- and you cannot help but notice when you really take a look at what people have going on!

Take solace in that fact that we are all facing similar challenges -- financial, emotional, relationships - and that we all must rely on one another for the strength to pull out of this funk and reach that place of joy, peace and happiness that we ALL come to eventually!!

The fact that we will inevitably get there should be enough to lift the veil of gloom and doom, depression, and anxiety that has engulfed many of us - and remember, even the strongest among us succumb to these thoughts of despair and woe at times!

The difference is that WE ALL can pull out of the tail spin that overwhelms us by fighting off the urge to give in - fighting the urge to allow the tidal wave of negativity that sits and awaits the appropriate moment to drown us - when we are most vulnerable -- and saying NO- I will NOT succumb!  I will not surrrender!  I will not allow my life to be defined by the type of clothes I wear, club I do or do not belong to, car I drive, house I live in, etc!!!!

The wisest men/women realize early WHAT IS IMPORTANT and it is generally those few who possess that elusive peace, joy and happiness that we are all entitled to behold!!

Nothing is stopping YOU from being one of these people except your perspective and your mind!

If we all started with the baseline belief that just being above the dirt makes us HAPPY - special, fortunate - and be grateful for this one fact -- we would be well served and on the right path to Joy and peace!

If we are above the dirt AND healthy -- we ought to be on our knees thanking the Good Lord every minute of every single day!!

If we are alive, healthy and have someone in our lives (spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend, brothers/sisters, parents, children, etc) who love us -- that right there is a list of THREE AMAZING GIFTS that I personally guarantee EVERYONE reading this post already possesses!!!

How can life be TERRIBLE if we have these things????   It is almost impossible!! 

But we are human and we tend to muck the waters by letting our EGOs take over!

Suddenly, these three things above are barely noticed and taken for granted - and replaced with competition as to who is better than whom and owns more than whom, etc.

All for what?  To what end? 

And most importantly -- rarely if ever (over the span of time and history) does it lead to either peace, happiness, or joy!

So why do we make it the focal point of our lives???!!!!   Why do these things that do not last, have zero meaning or long-term value, and do not bring us lasting joy or happiness RUN OUR LIVES and take up 99% of our waking (and sleeping) moments??  It is insane!!!

Do me a favor -- DO NOT take for granted the three cornerstones of your life mentioned above! 

Start there every morning and give thanks for possessing these and end your day giving thanks for these!!!  Sadly, the only way we really put value in these Gifts -- and they truly are GIFTS  - is when we no longer have them!

Do not let this happen to you!!

Pursue daily those things that MATTER!  Love, Kindness, Assistance, Strength, Support --- all the things that we KNOW bring Joy and Peace!!!  All the things that ENDURE and MATTER!!!

Fight the urge to compete with everyone for material gain!!!

EVERYONE is hurting right now and you could throw a rock and hit someone in need of YOUR support, kindness, your shoulder to lean on, your inspiration, your strength!!! 

It does not cost money, you do not need to be a CEO or own 5 homes or drive a Lamborghini to be this person  (but you can still do this if all the above apply as well..)!!

Reach out and BE THAT PERSON TODAY!!!

Happy Father's Day!!!!

One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be."

-- Author Unknown."


I apologize for repeating this amazing poem below, but it is so appropriate for the day that I could not resist!

I received the Greatest Gift since my children were born just yesterday and it has me on Cloud 9 as we speak.

My son brought home a compilation of his 3rd grade work in a pre-planned, formatted planner clearly designed and arranged by his teacher in advance in order to review his progress and as a keepsake of his development this year.  It was a truly wonderful idea and very special.

In amongst the various spelling tests, reading logs, math scores, etc, was an essay called "A Special Person".

My son chose me as his subject in this "Special Person" essay and that alone was enough to make me start tearing up. 

However, as I read his words as to why he deemed me a special person, I was blown away with pride, love and appreciation.

All of the things his mother and I have been stressing, pounding home, reiterating and preaching about were referenced in that beautiful tribute from a 9 year old boy to his Dad.  I tear up right now just recounting his words.

The point of the story truly is that even when you think kids have tuned you out, and are not picking up on anything you are trying to teach them - think again!!

My son gave me a gift this week that I would not trade for $1BB dollars or for anything in this world! 

Now, as in the opening paragraph above, I have the tremendous responsibility and duty to keep up my end of the bargain and pray every night and day that the Lord gives me the strength to do the right thing for both of my children!  My report card came in ok so far- but the hard part starts now and we all have the responsibility to deliver!!!

Happy Father's Day to all!!    Please enjoy the classic and timeless lesson below  -and let it be a reminder to us all of the enormous weight we carry every day!!

I can honestly say that in the times when I come home from work and my kids want to play some game, and my initial reaction is "NO" --" I am too tired", "I just got home", etc... I think of the lesson found in this work and I force myself to do the right thing!  It is never easy - but it is critical!!!
I will take this opportunity to share one of my most favorite poems ever written about Fathers, children and human failings - to put things in perspective for all of us Dads - so we Don't Forget!

Enjoy - God Bless - and Stay Strong!


Father Forgets
by W. Livingston Larned

Listen, son; I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.

I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

There are things I was thinking, son:
I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread.

And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came Up the road, I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before you boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive - and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!

Imagine that, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.


You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.

And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me.

What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding - this was my reward to you for being a boy.

It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth.

I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself overthe wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.

Nothing else matters tonight, son.

I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours.

But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh.

I will bite my tongue when impatient words come.

I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy - a little boy!"
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man.

Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby.

Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder.

I have asked too much, too much.

Live in the Moment!! Now!!

So often we hear familiar phrases such as "Live in the Moment" and understand what it means, but rarely do we really take the saying to heart. Rarely do we grasp what it means to REALLY live in the moment.

Well, do you know why?  Because it is darn hard to do so - that is why!

I know what the saying implies we should do - "Count your Blessings" - "Live in the Moment" - "Be Here Now",  "Live like you are dying" -- but it is very hard to do this without a real effort!

But it is critical that we do this - and put the effort in!

Try not to be totally distracted by the daily grind - the constant battles, struggles, issues, challenges and problems that we inevitably face every single hour - and step back to realize how good we all have it despite our current situations!!

Life is about the PRESENT!!   But often we look past the present to the future (often filled with anxiety, worry, and fear) and are mired in the PAST at the same time!

Where is the PRESENT?  The PRESENT is all that matters and all that should matter!

Sure, learn from the mistakes of the PAST - but leave the past where it belongs!!!  In the PAST!

The PAST does not by any means define you as a person, and has no impact on what you can be - what you are - TODAY or going forward!

Stop worrying about the FUTURE!!!   Take care of the PRESENT and the Future will take care of itself!!!!

It is not easy - but nothing worth doing is ever easy now is it??  

Start a New Chapter in your life right now!!!!!  YOU control it!

Live in THIS moment right now because there is no other point in the time spectrum that matters at all!!!!

Kiss your kids, your spouse, your friends -- experience the JOY of having these loved ones in your life every day - with you during your journey!!

Do not wait until it is toooooo late to enjoy their presence - their love - the joy their existence brings you!!

Stay Strong and do not only listen to those old cliches  - Grasp them, embrace them -- and use them!